


destiny

by meredy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, unfinished stuff and short drabbles i guess??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-16 01:52:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3470012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meredy/pseuds/meredy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He knows they’re just friends, knows they’re both too interested in volleyball for anything more, knows that sometimes they struggle to get along, he’s aware of everything but he just—<br/>—Kageyama. He’s always thinking about Kageyama."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i need to write kagehina more often again wtf

Hinata likes Kageyama just the way he is; indented and lonely past, attempted grins and unspoken feelings.  
Hinata knows Kageyama isn’t very good at conveying his feelings—well, his positive ones at least, Hinata’s very aware of a _large_ majority of Kageyama’s negative and harsh feelings—and whilst that sort of thing would usually annoy Hinata, he finds he doesn’t actually mind much, in fact, he finds he doesn’t mind at all and that it’s actually kind of.. whatever, it's whatever. Not important, not at all.       
Hinata decides the way he feels is very _very_ wrong, whilst he and Kageyama are teammates now—which he still can’t believe—they’re still rivals underneath it all.  
He kind of hates it.

It’s kind of okay in a sense, he thinks, Kageyama is _attractive_ and he knows he’s not the only one who thinks that—it’s pretty much common knowledge—and it’s not like Kageyama is horrible or awful—he’s probably the opposite, actually. Hinata slowly finds himself not minding much about whatever he feels towards Kageyama, it’s okay, they’re teammates, friends even and they hang out more often than not and it’s actually kind of _normal,_  Hinata realizes when he really thinks about it. He doesn’t mind much after that—stares at Kageyama openly, compliments him freely and grins at him shamelessly.  
Kageyama minds; flushes brightly, spewing _idiot, idiot, idiot_ until Hinata grins at him more.  
It’s oddly cute.          


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love kagehina so much i feel like hinata probably thinks pretty highly of kageyama (chants you really are incredible) but doesn't like to admit to it (and vise versa mayb) omg..

Hinata isn’t really open about how he feels towards Kageyama.  
He thinks maybe it’s because they just don’t have that sort of relationship—he can’t just go ahead and _praise_ Kageyama of all things, Kageyama would probably just think he was trying to convince him to buy meatbuns on the way home (which he wouldn’t complain at but—), he just wants to praise and compliment Kageyama; wants to say _hey, you almost smiled, good job!_ but he can’t, it’s not his place to, they’re not like that—  
—there’s an endless amount of reasons as to why he can’t do it but he still just kind of hopes one day he'll do it without realizing it.  
( _Hey, you’re better than you were in middle school. Personality wise and volleyball wise, too. You're still an idiot though._  
_You don’t seem so uptight nowadays._  
_We argue all the time but I think I appreciate you more than anyone._  
_You’re incredible, y’know?_  
_I think I might—_ )

He thinks about it briefly, they’ve been what he supposes is friends for awhile now, they’ve been on the same team for even longer and when he thinks about it properly, Kageyama is hands down the person he spends the most time with.  
He kind of wonders when he actually started looking forward to spending time with Kageyama—he never really knew when he did but for as long as he could remember, whenever Kageyama would offer chances to practice, hang out or just be together for whatever reason, Hinata practically jumped at the chance of it and found himself looking forward to it until it happened, found himself grinning stupidly in the middle of class as he thought about hanging out at Kageyama’s later that day.   
It was kind of weird, really.   
(He doesn’t know whether he minds or not.)

Hinata doesn’t really _mind_ their relationship—he likes the way he feels comfortable with Kageyama, likes the way he feels like he can be open with pretty much anything with Kageyama (with the exception of well, Kageyama) and he thinks briefly that he just likes Kageyama in general, probably has for awhile now actually; he doesn’t really like it though. He knows they’re just friends, knows they’re both too interested in volleyball for anything more, knows that sometimes they struggle to get along, he’s aware of everything but he just—  
—Kageyama. He’s always thinking about Kageyama.  
( _—love you, Kageyama._ )


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to stop writing this like three times because i kept thinking about kageyama and crying  
> i am an emotional wreck

Hinata is aware Kageyama doesn’t see him in the same sense as he sees Kageyama.   
It starts off small at first; Hinata views Kageyama as his rival and he knows Kageyama doesn’t see him as his rival just purely because of how much _better_ Kageyama is at volleyball.  
It hurts a little but it’s okay, Hinata decides, Kageyama will never find out anyway and realistically, Hinata will probably never see Kageyama again.

A few months later, Hinata views Kageyama as a teammate and Hinata knows Kageyama will never view him in the same way because hell, he won’t even pass the ball to Hinata so how can he expect Kageyama to view him as a teammate? It’s unrealistic of him to expect anything and within the short period of time he’s gotten to know more about Kageyama, he has a feeling most things he hopes for just won’t end up being true. Kageyama will probably never pass to him and Kageyama will probably never see him as a rival or a teammate either.

Three months after that, Hinata views Kageyama as a friend and it’s by far the weirdest moment of his life so far. He had never expected to view _Kageyama_ of all people as a friend but he just—  
— _does_.   
(He doesn’t mind as much as he lets on and he likes to believe that Kageyama feels the same but he’s not entirely sure, Kageyama’s known for being pretty blunt—especially towards him but he kind of hopes that Kageyama considers him a friend, a rival, _something_ because _stupid, stupid_ Kageyama is growing on him and he wants to believe he’s growing on Kageyama too.)

Three months after that, Hinata views Kageyama as his best friend. It’s kind of weird, actually, and he’s not sure when he even starting referring to Kageyama as his best friend in his head but he had at some point and by the time he had picked up on it, he didn’t really want to stop. He still felt like him and Kageyama were rivals and realistically, they probably always would be, but he liked viewing Kageyama as his closest friend too. He just kind of knew that Kageyama didn’t feel the same, it’d be a real push to even say that Kageyama considered him as a regular friend—let alone a best friend—Kageyama was moody and kind of distant at times so it would be just plain _stupid_ for Hinata to think that Kageyama thinks much of him at all, actually.

Seven months after that, Hinata views Kageyama as someone he has a crush on. It’s even weirder than viewing him as a friend and a best friend and Hinata kind of hates it the most so far. There’s something wrong with wanting to kiss your teammate in general, Hinata thinks, but it’s even worse when it’s _Kageyama_ and he really, _really_ hates this the most so far. He hates the way his eyes fall on Kageyama without him intending to, he hates the way he’s always grinning at Kageyama and trying to get his attention, trying to talk to him—anything. It’s all _stupid, stupid, stupid_ and Hinata vows that one day he’ll punch himself in the face if Kageyama doesn’t first.

Four months after that, Hinata realizes he’s in a little too deep. He likes Kageyama in a way that is purely _not_ platonic and in a way that is undeniably one-sided. He doesn’t mind it as much as before; doesn’t mind the lingering stares, the grins from Sugawara, the embarrassed Kageyama—in fact, he doesn’t mind at all. 

Two months after that, Kageyama tells Hinata that he likes him with red cheeks and cast away eyes, it’s a mess but Hinata can’t find it anything but endearing.  
On the same day, Hinata thinks of Kageyama as his boyfriend and it puts a knot in his stomach because he knows Kageyama thinks of him as his boyfriend too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this in like?? 10?? 15 minutes and i don't know who i am inside  
> i feel like they might be a little ooc but who knows?? they're def aged up though -- probably around their second or third year of college! i apologize if they're ooc but i just had a sudden urge to write something like this so ;;  
> au where kageyama dies because i don't love myself  
> whether this is Actually kags or just hinata imagining it is is entirely up to you !! *o*
> 
> tw for implied character death! it's really vague but it's still there so..  
> not proof read! if you spot any errors, lemme know! it'd be appreciated //  
> do i actually like this or not?? will we ever know??

“Do you want to die?” Kageyama asks him.  
Hinata falls silent for a few moments, the silence between them lingering.  
He opens his mouth to respond before he shuts it immediately.   
He hesitates before he answers.  
“No.”

Kageyama breathes out a sigh and Hinata’s not sure whether it’s out of relief or annoyance.  
The silence lingers.  
He looks away for a brief second, eyes focusing on anything but Hinata and Hinata would be lying if he said it didn’t bother him.  
  
_(Hey. Look at me. I want you to look at me. Always._  
_But that’s kind of selfish, isn’t it, Kageyama?_  
_I’m sorry I’m so selfish.)_

“Good.”  
It’s Hinata’s turn to stare this time, and so he does, with wide eyes and hesitant words on the tip of his tongue.  
“Good?” Hinata questions before blinking a few times, trying to make _some_ sense of Kageyama.  
Kageyama just nods in response and that’s the last thing Hinata sees before he opens his eyes and feels a heavy weight in his chest as the realization hits him.  
_Oh._

* * *

Hinata tries to ignore it, tries to dream of other things, of volleyball practice and pork buns but it always leads back to Kageyama because really, Kageyama, volleyball and pork buns all go hand in hand together and it leaves a bitter taste in Hinata’s mouth.  
_(Why aren’t you here, Kageyama? You said as long as you were here, I’d be invincible, so does that mean I’m not anymore?)  
_ _(Of course not, dumbass. You’re still invincible. You always will be.)_

* * *

Hinata meets Kageyama a few more times like that but the dreams vary, sometimes they’re just playing volleyball, sometimes they’re just _talking,_ throwing insults around like they used to and other times they’re _close close close_ and it’s almost like Kageyama is back with Hinata again but then he wakes up and realizes yet again—Kageyama’s not with him anymore.  
_(Kageyama? Why aren't you here?)_

* * *

Hinata can’t forget about Kageyama no matter how much he tries, there’s always something that reminds him of Kageyama and it’s _bothersome,_ Kageyama would tell him to stop being an idiot, and he knows that, but Kageyama’s not here to tell him that and even the thought of that makes his stomach churn because—  
Kageyama’s not here anymore and he can’t really remember how things were _before_ Kageyama.  
They hadn’t had enough time together _really,_ Hinata thinks mindlessly, they’d only gotten to spend their high school days together along with the two years of college—it wasn’t enough.  
_(He kind of realizes that nothing would have probably been enough for him but he would’ve liked a life time with Kageyama, at least.)_

* * *

“Kageyama, it’s just—“ Hinata stops himself short, words unsteady and hands trembling. For all of the time he’d known Kageyama, it was rare for the two of them to ever be entirely honest about their feelings in such a strong sense and he was just _nervous.  
_ “I haven’t really known what to do since you’ve been gone, Kageyama,” Hinata starts, “I mean, I’ve been carrying on because I sort of _have_ to but you’re not there anymore, Kageyama, I don’t like it.”  
Kageyama smiles at him weakly.  
_(Hinata wakes up alone.)_

* * *

Hinata visits Kageyama’s grave for the first time in two months (and six days, he’s been counting) and it hurts a little more than he’d expected.  
“Idiot.” Is all he manages to muster out before dropping a flower Natsu had given him and leaving, hoping to see Kageyama again.  
_(He knows he won’t, not for a long time now, but he decides he’ll just wait it out, he’d do anything for Kageyama, after all.)_

* * *

“You’re not here either, dumbass—  
—but we’ll meet again.  
_(They do.)_


End file.
